Some Things Never Change

no one cares that i write on here, but that's ok. it was fun to go back and read what i had written.

2010 is almost over. seriously? when did that happen? i don't even know where to begin. i think the last time i wrote on here was maybe last thanksgiving, which is almost a year ago. gwennie was just like 9 or 10 months old, and she is standing here right now being super cute and trying to mess with the mac. we just watched two little bears, fina is at the dentist getting her filling re-filled, and this afternoon we are meeting with yet another of micaiah's teachers to try and figure something out. looking at the title of my blog i see how accurate it is...i am pretty much always on the edge of a nervous breakdown. i don't think i will ever have one because i would feel guilty about it, but man, i have seriously considered it. like really, i have been in bed thinking i am not ever going to get up. i am staying here forever. no one can make me get up. but then i start thinking of all the things that need to be done, all the things that won't get done if i don't do them, how will it make my kids feel, blahblahblah. one might say i have a bit of a God complex. "the whole world will fall apart without me, everyone needs me, no one does anything right so i'd better do it..." yes, that is generally how i feel. believe me, i would love to not feel this way. and perhaps i just need to choose to not feel this way. i have read, and am re-reading, a book called "telling yourself the truth." interesting book. much of the time i tell myself lies, like the one i just listed above. and many others. one of the things you are supposed to do is list all the "misbeliefs" you tell yourself. man, that list would be pretty much endless. shall i begin, or perhaps that should be it's own blog.

not that anyone will read this, but looking back it will be interesting, i suppose.