more on bottoms falling out

wow, i really have to force myself not to start with the word "so." anyhow...as i was loading the washer with nasty socks earlier, i started thinking about how i have been interacting with people i meet at church. i feel like i am a little too aware of my image these days. not necessarily how i look; it's more of how i come across, what i say, if i am witty, etc. it's a bit of a 180 from before, at our last church, because i don't think i worried too much about those things. perhaps that was a mistake, perhaps it was not. i am not sure. i am just afraid of becoming overly concerned, and perhaps not completely being myself. i am going to have to ask Jesus to help me with that, because knowing that i am human i could see it becoming a problem. after experiencing the doubts and questions that i have over the past 8 months, i suppose it's not all that unusual that i am feeling this way. but once again it's not something i want to become a part of who i am. it would seem that i am trying to protect my family against the bottom falling out...like i have any control over that sort of thing. if God wants us elsewhere, that's where i want to be. if something happens that is a result of other people making bad choices, God can use that to His advantage. and no matter what, i still have Jesus which is really and truly all i need.

bars are amusing

last night i was at a little show at a bar here in town, road 34. the first band was amusing; they had a banjo. any band with a banjo is amusing for that fact alone. add to it a guy with a floppy hat, dreads, overalls, and bare feet. he also played the washboard. that makes for good fun. then, throw in there a drunk guy who comes up to me and says, "nice to see you again!"as he slid his arm around me. i said, "i've never met you." he replies, "i know. my name is andrew." i started laughing really hard...i just couldn't help it. he asks me my name, and i am still laughing at this point. finally i tell him my name, and then mention the fact that i am married and have been for 11 years. he proceeds to ask me, using various expletives and slurred words, how i stayed married so long. i told him the best advice i could ever give him...stop trying to meet girls in bars. he then repeatedly told me how great that advice was, once again using choice words. even if the guy was drunk, i suppose i should be a little flattered. that makes up for the fruit aisle incindent at king soopers.

also, it was very fun watching the drunk people dancing. they really are rather comic. but at the same time i got a little sad, thinking how most of these people are just trying to fill the void with alcohol and sex. it also reminded me of where i was 13-14 years ago, which also made me really grateful for where i am now.

crazy busy life

i swear, can this month get any nuttier? a billion birthdays, field trips, retreats, conferences...honestly, i just don't think it can. it's all good, fun stuff, but my house is reflecting the fruits of a busy schedule! digging through the laundry for a not-too-dirty pair of pants for the kids for school, handwashing underwear so i have at least one clean pair for the next day. and i admit, i gave in and turned the heat on. and now i am starting to get a cold...just what i need right now. oh well...that's life! and it is good...very good. regardless of how crazy my life gets, i am so thankful for everything, even the insanity. i apologize that my blogs have been lacking in depth, but i really just don't feel like i have had the time to think deep thoughts.

the water fast

joe and i have decided to only drink water at home (as opposed to soda, beer, etc.). if we visit a friend's house and they offer us something else, then that is ok. but at home, water. or tea (which i already have many boxes of). or milk (which is probably cheating because i never drink milk until now). while i know water is extremely good for my body, the fact that i have no choice about it is making me INSANE. i guess i do have a choice, but i don't like it. ugh. a nice, ice-cold, bubbly glass of diet coke sounds absolutely fabulous at the moment. an ice-cold bottle of 1554 or corona with lots of lime...that sounds even better. i'd take a glass of bubbly water with lime in it for crying out loud! even without the lime!

this sucks.

kids

it would appear i like starting every journal/blog entry with the word "so". i am going to try and keep an eye on that for your sake so it doesn't get annoying.

joe's sister recently started having foster children again. i have decided to look into this for a couple of reasons. number one, it's providing a really great service to those kids, and i know i am a better option than many others out there. two, it would appease my desire for another baby, at least for a while. three, it would be extra tax-free income.

of course i would have to discuss this with p's parents and whatnot; this is still very much in the "maybe" stage of things. but i think it sounds like a great opportunity to do a number of good things all at the same time. i didn't think that cliche about birds and stones sounded very nice in regards to this topic. how about "eating two hershey's kisses in one bite"? doesn't have the same ring to it, although it sounds like a really good idea (with a big glass of milk).

crispety crunchety...but not butterfinger.

so i was looking up at the ridiculously clear blue sky and really just enjoying the gorgeous weather. the trees are obviously not as beautiful as new hampshire's, but every now and then you see a surprisingly red or orange tree amidst the yellow aspen and the green of the pine and unchanged trees. the nights are cool and perfect for sleeping, the days are sunny and sweet with an airy breeze. i absolutely love the sound of the leaves, for some reason i just don't hear it as much in summer...i suppose it has something to do with the crispness of pretty much everything. crispy leaves, crisp temperatures in the morning and evening, crisp apples (although you can't go apple picking out here unless you know someone with an apple tree). i also love the smell of a wood-burning stove...there is something crisp about that smell, but i can't put my finger on it. its also a very comforting, homey smell. when i take my morning walks with p (and sometimes fina) its fun to walk along the edge of where the sidewalk meets the street and crunch along in the fallen leaves.

maybe not so old

well, it would seem that monthly female friend might have something to do with my fatigue this morning...it was a lovely surprise, i tell you. i always seem to have the "i've been dragged behind a mack truck" feeling every month when she shows up, and lately i have been lax about keeping track of when she's coming, so she has been an unwelcome surprise. i made a note of her arrival on the calendar and a little note of when she might return so perhaps i won't be caught off guard next time. this is one of those lovely months when she comes twice.

i guess it's better than finding out i was pregnant...

i guess.

more on getting old

i used to be able to stay up all hours of the night and get up in the morning and go to work. like till 3am and get up at 7 and be just fine. and not just being up that late...being up that late and partying. last night i stayed up till 12 and got up at 7 and i am feeling trashed. all i did was watch tv...and ate a brownie with a glass of milk. that saying "youth is wasted on the young" is totally true. i wish i had the life i have now with the body i had then. speaking of brownies and milk...i think i will have the last one right now. someone has to eat it, right?

chocolate is a good thing.